The Secret
by ItachiSilverwolf
Summary: What happens when a desire becomes true only to fall apart?   WARNING: contains Incest, abuse and yaoi
1. The Secret

The Secret

By Silverwolf

Matt, Adam, Jeff, Amy

Jeff sits on the hotel room bed tired from the day. He couldn't sleep even though he was tired. "God, I hate these long nights without you," he says talking to the air. He thought I should call at least then I will be able to hear his voice. Jeff didn't really want to wake him, but he couldn't live without hearing the sound of his voice. He picks up the phone and dials the number. It rings twice and then Matt picks the phone up. "Hello." "Hey, how are things there?" "Okay." Jeff's heart raced as he was hung on every word Matt said. He couldn't believe how stupid it was to be in love with his own blood.

They talked for awhile before Matt told him that he had to let him go in order to take a shower. Jeff hung up the phone. 'Take a shower'; he tried to picture the image.

Lying back on the bed Jeff imagines Matt walking across a room similar to his own. Opening the door Matt steps inside the bathroom. Turning on the shower Matt pulls off his shirt and steps out of his pants. Pulling back his hair Matt steps into the shower. Jeff thinks of the soft black curls, hot water, and the thick muscle along his back as he washes his body.

Jeff thinks how can I put myself in my own brain. Let's see: add steam. Damn, that's perfect. Now add me. Because of the steam Matt cannot see Jeff slide in the shower behind him. Jeff glides his hands along Matt's back. Matt turns around and slides an arm around his slim waist. Jeff looks into deep brown eyes. Matt glances towards Jeff's hungry green eyes but cannot break the gaze. Jeff holds the gaze too long. He can't hold back any longer. He kisses Matt. It is quick and hesitant. Matt first looks shocked, but then kisses Jeff. Jeff jerks back from the returned kiss. He can't believe what just happened. Matt looks hurt and that bothers Jeff. Jeff can't help it he kisses Matt. Matt can feel Jeff's tongue along his lips. Matt allows Jeff access. He can feel Jeff's tongue ravage his mouth.

Jeff's thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. He looks towards the door but doesn't answer it. "Come on Jeff open the damn door!" Jeff lies on the bed not bothered by her shouting. "Jeff open the door before I tell Matt how much you would like to…" Jeff opens the door for Amy and eyes her annoyed. "Just remember honey two can play. I have dirt on you. Spill even the slightest bit and Adam will know of how much you fanaticize about jumping his bone." Amy buries her reddened face along the pillows of the other bed. "I would never tell!"

Matt's Hotel Room

Matt looks over to the other bed where Adam slept. "God, I wish you weren't blonde," he states lowly. Matt sits thinking about what Jeff could possibly be doing.

He lies back on the bed; "I'm really screwed up this time. I think constantly about my younger brother. I feel so pathetic and dirty." Matt tried to sleep. The heat of the night didn't keep the mood he was in. "Lil bro are you sleeping right now?" Matt eyes the ceiling as he asks, "please give me a hint." Matt forced himself into sleep frustrated again.

Jeff's Hotel Room

Jeff slept lightly. Amy looks towards him once before turning to sleep for herself, "you had never tell Adam anything." Amy falls asleep after her statement.

Matt's Hotel Room

Matt awoke and checked his watch: seven-thirty. He rolled over and tried to return to his dream world of a king size mattress and not being alone at night.

Matt glances towards Adam's bed. He isn't sleeping. Adam finally steps out of the bathroom dressed in blue jeans and a sweatshirt. He is drying his blonde curls. Matt thought you have no idea how much that annoys me. Matt notices Adam speaking to him. Hey, you seem a little distracted. You okay?" Matt smirks, "I'm fine. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should tell someone a really important fact." "If it's important then you should tell." "I don't know." "Hey I can't make you I can make suggestions."

Matt turns away from Adam lost in thought. He then reaches for the phone after Adam leaves the room. He dials the number to Jeff's hotel room. Matt hears the voice on the other end. It's Amy. "Can I speak to Jeff?"

Matt hears Amy wake Jeff and hands him the phone. Jeff yawns. "Hello?" Hey. I was hoping you would call." "Amy didn't have to wake you." "That's okay. I would've been mad if she didn't" I have something to tell you." Jeff couldn't believe it. His heart was racing. Jeff thought could this really be happening. "Yeah?" "Umm…good luck in your match tonight." "Thanks." Matt could tell there was some disappointment in his voice. What was he hoping for me to say?

Jeff's Hotel Room

Amy looks at Jeff's face. "It didn't happen, huh?" Jeff doesn't say anything to Amy. Jeff buries his face in the pillow and forces himself back to sleep. Amy dials Matt's cell number. She can't tell him.

Matt's Hotel Room

Adam enters the room. "So?" "So what?" "Matt, did you take my advice?" "I couldn't tell him." "Tell who what? Maybe I could help you." "Tell Jeff." "What Matt?" "I can't tell you." "Well then let's try this. I guess and you nod yes or no." Matt nods.

Adam takes several guesses but they aren't correct. The phone rings and Adam snatches it up. He isn't on it very long before hanging up. Matt looks at him inquiringly. "That was Vince. Tonight's show is cancelled and we should start our way towards Charlotte. We got to perform there tomorrow night." Matt's eyes light up. Charlotte, yes, Jeff please be there. We can talk there. His mind is racing. He dials Jeff's cell phone. There isn't any answer. Matt panics. No! This isn't right. He leaves a message and prays for Jeff to call back.

Jeff Hotel Room

Amy fights with Jeff to wake him up. He finally does. "What?" "You're cell has been ringing for the past few minutes." Jeff picks up his cell and dials the numbers to get his messages. Amy watches his eyes light up. "Matt's coming here. Their show was cancelled!" Jeff is jumping around the room. Amy glances towards Jeff. "Are you sure you want him to see you dressed in those," she points towards the cutoffs Jeff slept in. Jeff laughs but goes to take a shower and change.

Matt's Car

Matt sits pondering what to do. He believes that Jeff should know, but could Matt ever bring himself to tell Jeff.

**Jeff's Hotel Room**

Jeff appears wearing a pair of black leather pants and a long-sleeve, ribbed, midriff-style T-shirt. He slides on a pair of black boots and ties a bandana against his wet hair.

Matt's Arrival

Matt can't tell Jeff or can he? He enters the hotel and watches Adam check into a room. Adam and Amy will share this room tonight and tomorrow. Matt already asked her if it was okay. He would spend the next few nights with Jeff. He thought please get the courage you stupid SOB.

Jeff's Hotel Room

Amy has her things packed. She hasn't told Jeff about what she and Matt decided upon. Amy receives a phone call of the hotel room number she will share with Adam. She's excited. Jeff looks at her, "what's going on?" "It's a surprise." "I hate surprises." "You'll like this one."

Amy leaves to join Adam after he's settled in. this leaves Jeff alone until there is a knock at the door. Jeff opens the door without thinking about it. Matt stands on the other side of the door. Jeff looks at him as he enters the room and places his stuff down. "Amy decided that I should stay with you. Well actually I kinda asked her to let me stay with you."

Adam's Hotel Room

Amy finally gets the nerve to tell Adam about her feelings. "Hey Adam. What would you say if I told you I like you?" "I would say it just won't work out." "Why?" "You're not my type." "So what is your type?" "If I told you I would kill ya. Naw, just playing." "Tell me." "I could show you later." It was time for Amy to leave with Jeff for the arena.

Jeff's Hotel Room

Jeff knows he has to go. He doesn't want to. He leaves still disappointed about what he wants to hear not being said. Jeff walks to Amy's room. She opens the door. Jeff steps into the room. Adam smirks and turns away. Amy and Jeff leave.

The Hallway

"What was the smirk about?" Amy stands disappointed. She understood, but she wasn't gonna tell Jeff. "I don't know. So did you tell him?" 'No." "Maybe you should show him." 'What's wrong," Jeff states noticing her disappointment. "I told Adam." "And?" "He doesn't think of me like that. I'm not his type." "It'll be okay. It's his loss."

Early Morning (one a.m.)

Jeff enters his room leaving Amy walking to her room. Matt is asleep so Jeff chooses not to bother him as he gets ready to go to sleep himself. Jeff steps close by Matt's bed but cannot wake him. Jeff lies on top of the blankets on his own bed and falls asleep.

**Later That Morning**

Matt can't take it anymore. He has to tell Jeff. Matt isn't really sure how he should break the news. Matt gets out of bed and walks over to where Jeff is sleeping. Matt glides a finger along the bridge of Jeff's nose. Jeff wakes as he repeats this action. Jeff slides back giving Matt a place to lie next to him. Matt accepts Jeff's offer. Jeff turns his body away from Matt. He knows he won't be able to look at him without doing something he'll regret later.

Matt turns towards Jeff and slides an arm around his waist. Matt pulls him close to his body. Jeff's confused. He doesn't know what this means. He can feel Matt nuzzle close to him. Jeff places some space between him and Matt in order to allow him to face his brother. The two laying staring. That is until Matt kisses Jeff. Jeff pulls back but it doesn't last. Jeff kisses Matt this time with more passion behind it.


	2. Break Away

Break Away

By Silverwolf

Sequel to The Secret

Jeff, Matt, Adam, Trish, Shannon

It has been three months since the day Matt expressed his desire for Jeff. Everything ran smoothly until a month and half ago.

Matt's Point of View

Originally I was cheating on Jeff with Shannon. Sure it was wrong especially since I made Jeff pay for my fuck-ups and his. Sometimes I did more damage than any wrestling match did. Now Jeff is gone and I send my time with Shannon, Shane, or Jason. It's better than being bored because of not traveling with the person you're with.

Jeff's Point of View

I think that I'm better off now. There are no marks to lie about. I don't feel "owned" anymore. Adam and I have been together since I left Matt. I feel better living with Adam also.

I don't have to be afraid to be around the one I love anymore. There aren't any tall-tale bruises or broken bones.

Matt found me once. God, that was horrible. He beat the living hell out of me. It's nice to fell protected and loved again instead of used.

Adam's Point of View

It was a long road. Jeff didn't want anyone to see or touch him because of the bruises. It took patience in order to get Jeff to understand that I wouldn't harm him. He would cry out at night because of the memories.

Time was worth it. The patience and understanding I have given were worth it. It's better that Matt not be able to find Jeff.

Trish found out about Jeff and I being together. She asked about Matt and I told her about the abuse he endured because of Matt. I asked her not tell Matt where Jeff is. So far she has stuck to my wishes.

I've discovered that no matter ho much I care Jeff will never let me solve some problems. He won't let me help him with some problems.

I still wish that he didn't continue the physical damage Matt started in order to deal with the emotional scars. He slices himself up pretty bad sometimes.

I moved him out to the countryside in Canada. We live on several acres of land with a small orchard and for mares. Jeff has his pets and even a Collie pup I purchased him for his birthday. I have my dog and Jeff so I guess I'm happy.

I sacrificed living in the town I was born into try to help him. My mother told me that some people can't be helped, but I discovered that if Jeff doesn't see Matt on television or see anything that has to do with Matt he is fine. It's only when Matt enters his mind that he cuts himself up. He's tried to kill himself twice before we moved out here.

Every time he harms himself I have to be the one who pushes past the pain in my heart and bandage the wounds and comfort him. The last time he sliced into his own skin I watched him leave. Only to know that he would call me later and I would tell him to return home. When he shows at the door I usually bandage the wound and stay with him all day just holding him. I don't know if I should do this anymore even though I care about him more than anything does.

I guess I love him so much and wanted him for him long that I'll tolerate his imperfections no matter how much they annoy me.

The Arena the Night of Unforgiven

Matt stands in the hall as a familiar scent catches his attention. He hadn't been around it in six month, but he knew ii instantly: Jeff. His mind races. He slowly begins to follow the scent. He eyes Adam standing with Trish. They are engaged in a conversation. Matt hangs back listening. Matt stood allowing the scent of his brother to fill his nostrils. He finally stepped up to the pair. As he greeted them both he could smell Jeff all over Adam.

Matt walks away leaving them to their conversation. He is in deep thought as Shannon enters the hall in front of him. He drags Matt into their locker room, "Matt, I heard Adam talking. He said Jeff was a cutter." Matt's confused. "A what?" "Cutter. He slices himself to vent emotional pain. People say you caused the pain. You hit Jeff when you were with him." Matt controls his anger; "they lie." His eyes told Shannon another story. "Matt, you didn't!" Shannon left the locker room. Matt thought about the fact that Jeff's scent was all over Adam.

Matt's Point of View

I realized something so obvious: Jeff was in Adam's locker room. I searched frantic for the door. I took a deep breath as I slowly pushed the door open. Jeff stood with his back to the door listening to music. I could smell his cologne; it was the same mix as always. I listened without speaking as Jeff sung low and watched like a hungry animal as his body swayed with the rhythm. The only thing I couldn't prepare for was my animalistic desire to touch him, love him once again, and pull him close to me. I moved in as if stalking prey. I felt my arm slide around his slim waist.

Jeff's Point of View

I felt an arm slide around me. The movement had been too rough to be Adam. I knew who it was. My mind screamed with fear even though I couldn't voice it. I wanted to run, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I felt Matt kiss my neck. That's when I knew I would have to prepare to be used again. I didn't know if he would hurt me. I felt Matt glide his fingers through my long hair. I managed to move away. That's when Matt struck me back in the back. The shot brought me to my knees. I felt the next shot and then the floor. I thought it could be worse.

I heard the sound of his voice but the words didn't register as I felt the sole of his boot along the side of my face. As drew the boot back to strike me again I jerked his foot causing him to lose his balance. That was when I burst up from the floor and out the door.

I ran though the hall. Matt didn't follow me yet. I went straight into the restroom. I pulled out my pocketknife as I stood in front of the mirror. *To hell with my promise just one more time and I'll feel better* I thought. I placed the knife to my skin, but I couldn't make the cut. My conscious was getting the best of me. "I had promised Adam I would stop this. I haven't done this in three months!" I was screaming at myself. I took the knife away from my skin. *How stupid are you* I thought. *You fucking idiot you're gonna even let him make you start the slicing again*

The tears began to fall and that's when Adam entered the room. I felt the comfort of his embrace and buried my face along his body. He looked at the closed pocketknife in my hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry." He looked at my arms searching for the slice I would've normally made. I turned my face. He ran his fingers along my tears. "I couldn't do it. I promised," I whispered. Adam kissed me lightly. "You did the right thing by not doing it," he whispered back. I walked with Adam back toward our locker room where he cared for me. I slept along the sofa in Adam's embrace once I had calmed down and the swelling had come down some.

Recovery

Jeff thought of not being able to make the slice, but then he thought it never took away the pain and the cut would only hurt later. He had gained something not even Matt could take away: Self-confidence.

Regret

Matt thought about how stupid the move had been. He couldn't bring himself to forget the look of terror on Jeff's face. He could never prove anything to Jeff now. He couldn't even make himself stop loving Jeff. Matt knows Jeff will remain the buried secret that ended up being told. His only regret of his relationship with his brother though was simple the one he loved most would never love him back any longer.


	3. Starting Over at the Begining

Starting Over at the Beginning

By Silverwolf

Sequel to Break Away

Trish, Jeff, Adam, Matt

Jeff sat along the bed in the darkened bedroom alone again. That always seemed to be the case lately. Alone and doubting that his relationship with Adam would last much longer. He and Adam had argued about the tattoo along the left lower side of his back. Jeff didn't get it. He thought we've never fought about it before. Adam knew it was there. Jeff sat with his hand along a baby dragon tattoo along his body just above the waistband of his jeans, next to his pierced navel. It was purple and lime. He thought of the memories that came with the little dragon. Matt had referred to him as his baby dragon. That was when Jeff was positive Matt loved him and before the lies.

Jeff got up and walked into the hall lit by burning candles. He turned towards the mirror showing his back to it and looked at the white rose along his back. He eyed the letters in its petals. "Matt," Jeff stated in a low voice. "Where are you?" Jeff states the question knowing Adam is gone and the tears begin to fall.

Jeff walks back into the darkened room. He lies along the bed filled with longing for his brother. He knows that there is nothing, but emptiness anymore when it comes to Adam.

Jeff knows that Adam will be leaving on the road again soon. Jeff thought *yeah that's when I can move everything. * Jeff had already moved some of his stuff to the house he had purchased from Trish. Adam wouldn't be able to find him once he left. He thought with his furniture already moved as well as most of his other stuff already there he should be pretty much done. Well with only the rest of his clothes and his pets left to move it would soon be as if he was never here.

Three Days Later

Adam has left on the road. Jeff spends his days packing boxes and taking them to his new home. Witty and Imagi are there now. Zeus is in the car. Jeff takes the iguana to the house now. Trish and her friend help Jeff place the cage where he wants it. Trish looks at Jeff, "what's left?" "Liger and two mares," he replies simply after unpacking the last of his stuff and putting the away.

Trish looks at her friend, "can we use your trailer to moves the horses?" "Sure. I offered to help." Jeff is looking out of the window at the small stable and corral. He has already prepared everything for the mares.

Trish drives Jeff back over to Adam's house. Jeff places Liger in the back of the car and then walks to the corral. He takes the lead rope in his hands and clips it one of the mare's halters. "Which two are yours, Trish calls. "The two Arabians," Jeff answers. "The Quarter Horse and the Appaloosa belong to Adam. Jeff leads the gray Arabian from the corral as Trish's friend Jen shows up.

Trish eyes the mare with its gray coat at least until you get to its legs. They are black along with the horse's mane and tail. Jen takes the lead rope and hands Jeff another one, "get the white and brown one also." "How did you know she was mine?" "I've seen you with her."

Trish watches the horse throw its brown tail. The pattern on the horse seems to be repeated just with different colors. Trish seems awed by that. "Why do they have the same pattern?" Jeff laughs, "They are twins."

Jeff gets in the car containing Liger as he watches the mares being loaded into the trailer. "Trish, can we go by and get Lottie?" "Of course. I didn't forget about your Collie. Do you want her to take the horses on to the house." Naw, your place is on the way. We can just get Lottie and then go. That way there's no returning." Trish nods.

Jeff places Lottie in the car quickly. Trish drives the rest of the way to Jeff's house without a word. Jeff and Jen unload the horses and place them into the stable. Jeff and Trish walk into the house with Liger and Lottie.

They talk for awhile as Jeff finishes the unpacking. Trish finally leaves making Jeff alone in the house. Jeff allows himself to fall onto the bed. He knows he is alone and for some reason he feels good about it. "Finally I have a reason to be alone." Jeff looks at the exposed baby dragon tattoo, "Matt, I wish you were here. I stated before I was eternally yours Matt. I believe that in my heart I still am no matter how much damage you've done to me."

Jeff falls asleep without any tears. He sleeps tonight with a slight smile upon his face and Matt within his heart.

Two Weeks Later (Adam's Return)

Adam stepped through the door. Majik his dog greets him. Adam called out for Jeff but didn't get a response. He figured Jeff was sleeping so he wandered into their bedroom. The bed was empty and Adam couldn't find Liger or Lottie anywhere. Adam finally realized Jeff was gone.

All their arguments and his leaving afterward had finally gotten to Jeff. Adam lay his bags on the floor. He snatched up several folded sheets of paper from the pillow Jeff had once slept on. Adam read the letter. He understood what Jeff meant by the words on the pages. They were true. Adam threw the letter along his dresser and sighed, "Jeff, I understand. I do love you. I just can't be there in the same way as before and it kills me. I can't deal with being away from you, but all the frustration of that fact did nothing but push me away further from you. I am so sorry, Jeff," Adam states as he lies down to sleep.

Matt's Night at Trish's House

Trish let Matt stay, but she knows that she's got to leave to see Jeff. She looks toward Matt, "you coming?" "Yeah." Matt grabs his coat and walks out with Trish. The pair talks on the way. "Where are we going?" Trish smiles, "we're going to see a friend. I figured you would want to go see him also especially since you've seemed to mature some."

Trish and Matt walk up the door. Matt begins to grow nervous. Trish knocks and someone opens the door. The pair enters the home. Matt looks towards a mirror by the door. He eyes a white rose tattoo. His name is printed in its petals. "Jeff?" He watches

As the person in front him turns around. "Matt?" Trish smiles, "I thought you might want some company." Matt gently slides an arm around Jeff's waist. She watches Jeff smirk at her. Matt nuzzles close to Jeff and kisses him. Jeff moves away. "Not yet." He states lowly. "Just hold me right now." Matt stands with an arm around Jeff. His lips form the words "thank you" as Jeff slides an arm around his neck. Matt's eyes pass over the baby dragon tattoo as his other hand passes other the white rose. Jeff looks at Matt. "What about Shane?" "He and Jay are together," Matt states plainly. "And Shannon?" "I don't know. He and I have been through."

Trish leaves the pair alone and returns home. She calls Adam that night only to hear someone else say "hello" on the other end. She hangs up the phone, "I knew it," she says to herself.

Matt and Jeff

Matt lies along the bed holding his sleeping brother. He runs his hand along Jeff's cheek. "I love you." He watches Jeff smile slightly. "I'm sorry for it all. You don't know how sorry I am." Matt feels Jeff slide closer. "I promise I'll be better." Jeff's head is now along Matt's chest. Matt looks at him, "I'm gonna make things better. I don't want to lose you." Matt finally closes his eyes. Sleep comes to claim him quickly.


End file.
